I was afraid of how it would make me look to address these things, mainly because of my lack of ability to express how I'm feeling. Being weak, having weaknesses is easy when you deny them to yourself. Call me what you want for that statement but it's true.
People have always asked me why I decided to start self-publishing and make it my main seek and destroy point for writing and up until now I've never talk about the core reason. There are many including a very important one in that I think self-publishing is at the reach of power for artists like no other time in history. This is the time to wrestle things to the story fully. But there is only one core reason for my self-publishing. The reason that made me make the jump and take the shots I've taken for doing this.
That core reason comes down to life and more so the threat of approaching death. I haven't taken care of myself when it comes to my health and this is from someone who started out born shattered and with parts missing and not working correctly. But now I know one truth beyond many others. I'm not going to live to 50 or 60. Just not going to happen. I'm not depressed about it, not sad about, but its a fact that swims in how I feel daily by the minute and hour. As a mechanic might say if I brought in an old car that just broke down, "Too many issues. I could fix but you don't have the cash."
Every writer, every artists wants to say here is my work. Hands holding out those things that filled our dreams and nightmares for others to intake. I took upon self-publishing because it's what I was born to do as a writer but also because it's what I need to do to learn and also what I have to do because of circumstances of life.
I'm really happy with my writing right now. I'm like doing monthly short story series. I like the stories I'm putting out. I like have much I'm learning with each release from the writing of each story, to the release process of each story, to the feedback I've gotten good and bad from each story. I love what I have planned in the future for these series and other stories but fatigued, overwhelmed.....weak?
When I say fatigued its not by the work load of doing two monthly short story series but fatigued by my own weaknesses. The overwhelmed part comes to the focus I'm lacking sometimes because of health issues. No excuses when it comes to the quality of my writing but I've faced focus issues all my life and but right now I don't have the medication to address those old issues and not having health insurance to address new ones have punched up the lack of focus that is truly my worst issue. It's not that I'm crumbled in a corner with pain, the pain is truly a destructive distraction.
I know my future as a writer is one of digital publishing. That's the footsteps for my future and its actually always been there. I just didn't see it for a long time because I was caught up in what others saw as success. What others saw as what a "writer" was.
The internet, the digital technological atmosphere is my canvas. It's up to me to put something on that canvas.
I started doing monthly short story series as both a creative stance, business venture, and also a learning exercise. I've enjoyed doing them so much but being in a state of my life were concentration is tough because of health reasons my full focus just isn't my full focus. And I need at least the full focus that I have within me when I'm editing my own writing. It's hard enough for a good writer to edit their own work and then you look at me.
I'm talked here before about how no sentence is easy for me. Over time I've learned my writing speed but now its my goal to learn and harness my editing and revision pace. Learning so many lessons so late might be more of a cruel taught towards me by my muses but then again I'm use to people trying to bully me. Trying and failing.
I prepared for Chaos Read and Tin Universe in 2011 with almost a full year of writing short story rough first drafts. Then I thought I could edit them and get them out on a monthly basis. And I think I could do that if those were the only things in my life. Again, the focus isn't there right now and if you're going to stand at the plate and hit a 100mph fastball you need tunnel vision focus. Also if you are going to hit a knuckle ball which would probably more represent my writing you need focus, really more.
So with all of that being said I'm going to still shoot for Chaos Read and Tin Universe coming out on a monthly basis but I'm not going to set it in stone. That way I'm not releasing things when they are not ready and also not ripping at my skin every time I miss a deadline. Some might say this is unprofessional, I call it realism. I hate that it has come to this but trying to water out the Titanic with a bucket really is stupid.
The next issue of those series will come out when I feel they are ready.
Chaos Read will continue as is but Tin Universe will change from multi-part stories to one off self-contained stories within that universe and I will be working also on Tin Universe novels at the same time.
Both series will keep their current pricing methods with Chaos Read being You Pick The Price! and Tin Universe $0.99usd.
This change up with these series will keep me knee deep in the learning workout and I can not talk enough about how much I have learned from doing them as a writer but the changes will also allow me to focus more. And that's the big word focus. I have never been afraid to put myself out there raw but I also want to put out the best sushi writing I have.
C.
And as always here are some of the places you can find me online:
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