How Not Finishing NaNoWriMo This Year Is A Good Thing For Me...

...And Shows You How Much NaNo Has Helped Me As A Writing And A Person

     2015 will be the first time in 8 years that I haven't finished NaNoWriMo.
     From 2009 to 2014.
     A lot of words.
     I've written many books during NaNo, Many of which turned into either stuff I've published, plan to publish, or split into short story or micro story series. NaNo has always been so much fun to me, and so much of a learning experience, but before I get to what me not finishing this year means to me I'm going to talk about why I'm stopping my NaNo on Nov. 21st with time still to go.

     Last year I got a new full time job that takes up 10 to 11 hours of my day, That in itself is why I've had to put things like Tin Universe Monthly and Tin Universe Daily on hold until a time when I can get enough things finished and ready to go so there will be no more delays when I restart the series.

    But day job aside I'm also older now, 40, and with age I've found more focus as a writer.

    Also finding more pains all over.
    But that's just old man speak.

    Anyways, Tin Universe Middle Grade Series has become my focus. This series is the most fun I've ever had as a writer and I think the series and my writing is getting better with each book released. That means where in the past I might split my focus along 8 billion projects because frankly I needed that chaos, that release frenzy, now I need something different.

     And that note brings me back to what not finishing NaNo this year means to me. I think artists go through stages in their lives. This is different from person to person but myself as a writer I have went through several.
     From my fan fiction days when I needed to do that to learn how to dive into the water before I even knew how to dog paddle.
    To as I went through my years of learning and trying to get work as a film script writer; which is where I learned that getting on with a story, not getting obsessed with words{especially from someone with my limited brain power}, and thus my way of thinking is born.
     Next came a number of years of depression and fear and during these years I needed to create and release and that is what I hungered for more than anything else. To create and release, to create and release. A lot of people went after me during this period saying I was being lazy or not fulfilling my potential, but it truly saved my life to just create and share.
     Now things have turned around a bit. Now I'm trying to find myself as a writer at 40. And at 40 I can easily say- Ok, wont be able to do NaNo this year but I will be using this month to help drive my fuel on making Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #3 the best book I've ever written. And now that is what I not only want to do, not only what I need to do, but making each story I release the best story I've ever written is something I can do. The journey brought me here and NaNo was a large part of getting to this point.
     Oh, and I'm not going to stop doing NaNo, its just shifted for what it means to me. Go support NaNo: https://store.nanowrimo.org/donations so it can be there for yourself and others in the future.

COMING DECEMBER 22nd, 2015

Written by me and edited by Tina Caceres

(c)System * Publishing

brian c.williams

start at the beginning,

Tin Universe Monthly #1: Stereo

The book that started it all.

It's FREE

Or the first  two Tin Universe Middle Grade books,

Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #1: Mildred Betbeze

$1.00

Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #2: Sasha

$1.00

How Not Finishing NaNoWriMo This Year Is A Good Thing For Me...

Catching Up After Moving

Today starts 3 days of trying to catch up on 2 weeks of writing, emails, and other such put on hold during our recent move. 

Mar is on the way with breakfast and I’m picking out music. 

This is how worlds are born. 

This is the ways writers delay. 

To Do List: Catch up on updating Tin Universe Daily, on Tin Universe Monthly(or decided to put it on hold for rest of year), on emails, and place all old Smashwords stories on websites.

trying to get shit done...honest....

Catching Up After Moving

Time To Pull Back A Bit

     A good thing happen to me a year ago in June. I got a job. I had been out of work for a long time. A really long time. Long enough for to actually get to the point of writing a cook book themed on one of my stories.
     It will be a glorious day when that sees the light of day.
     During that time of no work I went through a phase of not writing, to writing more, to writing and putting out more art and projects than any other time in my life.
     I had to. It keep me sane.
     Before the job I had planned 2014 as a huge year of releases and it was, and I learned so much, and it was hard but worth it.
     Before the job I had planned to fill 2015 every single moment with more writing, more projects, more art.
     But now I have a job, Holy Shit, I have a job and I have insurance and I needed it and I need to use it because there is shit that needs to be addressed so I will be around for years to release more dips into my brain through words and images; so I decided a couple weeks ago to put almost all my projects on hold for any planned releases and focus on a few projects.
     Tin Universe Daily will continue until the end of the year. I'm really learning how to focus in, focus on doing this series because any writer will tell you the smaller circle you have for telling a story it makes you learn, adapt, and work your ass off to get your point across, to tell the story you want to tell. After the end of the year I will probably decide to not do another year of it but you never know also.
     I will also continue Tin Universe Monthly and in December Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #3 will be released.
     I might even do NaNoWriMo again this year but I'm  not pressuring myself.
     I needed to write this entry to let the people who have been following series like The Collected, God Mark, The Original Sin, and or any of my other series know a couple things. The biggest is a huge thank you for downloading, reading, letting me know how you feel about the stories, and that I will continue these series. When I finish writing a story for one of the series it will be right there in an update on this site or mentioned on my Twitter, Facebook, or Tumblr. These other universes might also pop up as backup in Tin Universe Monthly also. Thanks all for understanding and I hope I continue to get better with each story I write and I hope there are more and more people along for the journey with me.

Time To Pull Back A Bit

Wait, wait, Wait

     Sometimes with me writing is a double handed knife wielding gorging to find something inside of humanity that I don't understand. And other times its all just mischief. Actually most of the time its just mischief. It's a fuck you against all my childish fears, it a fuck you to the days when I was called stupid, it's a fuck you when I feel stupid for no reason. It's a middle finger to flat toned voices asking "Why?", saying "Isn't it too late?" "But you aren't very good?" It's my universal answer on a daily basis to going on. To saying no more. A scream in the night. A whittling of a wooden God that loves all and not just those who can attend the meeting and initial their attendance for later review. So yea, here's a answer because I get asked a lot.

Wait, wait, Wait

Why Numbers Matter To My Brain

     Today Tin Universe Daily hit the #20 mark surpassing Tin Universe Monthly. Now Tin Universe Monthly has been around longer and course Daily is going to pass it by miles because, well, it's daily, but I wanted to talk about how these little numbers can be and are boosters to me as a writer.
     Numbers mean things to our brains no matter how much we want to say they don't. Like word counts I use all number goals as positive points because Hell knows my brain can come up with enough negative ones.
     Oh, and the series of mine with the most releases so far is The God Mark which hit #22 with its latest release (more to come in Nov.)
     Since our brains are really good at playing negative games with nothing, it's good to find ways of playing positive games with nothing.

Tin Universe Daily #20

Why Numbers Matter To My Brain

The Parts Of Me That Will Always Be Me

I was born to tell stories. Maybe not to successful publish them or make money but like an arm the only way this leaves my life is an ax.

The Parts Of Me That Will Always Be Me

A Ton Of Question... and these were from friends

     *A couple months ago I asked a couple friends to send me any question and I would answer them in an interview on my blog. Below are these questions. I mixed all of them up to add to the chaos. In a case of me over thinking everything I thought about answering each one with a meme but in the end decided against that because that's a lot of cut and pasting.

What inspired you to write your first book?

My first book Stereo which was renamed Stereo 2.0 and now is considered Tin Universe Monthly #1. Well, it was written as my attempt to try and capture the feel of a 1980’s comic book company crossover events such as Atlantis Attacks or Mutant Massacre. The only problem was I wasn’t good enough at the time to move the pieces together in a way that fit. I’m proud of it because I learned so much but my ideas of what I wanted from it where bigger than my abilities at the time. I wanted it to be a big crossover type event that was also the introduction to the Tin Universe.

What is your biggest failure?

As a writer? Yes. I want to be totally honest answering these so I would probably say the first time I attempted a monthly Tin Universe series. I just tried to write everything from scratch each month. This time I spend two years writing the zero and 1st drafts of a number of future projects and among those writings was the zero drafts of three years’ worth of Tin Universe Monthly.

Do you have a writing style?

No. Not unless you think dumping every thoughts that’s in you head at the time of writing on a page and then trying to clean that up and make sense of it is a writing style…. Wait, that’s more of a writing process.

My writing style as I’ve said before is tangential writing.

Do you have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

I only have nightmares. Let me think??? One recurring of late has me finding a job that pays ok. This is a case of a good dream being a tortures nightmare because it’s not reality; which is pretty much how all my dreams go.

Is there a message in your stories that you want readers to grasp?

Think.

What is the biggest lie you've ever told?

Telling myself for a long time that I shouldn't call myself a writer was very harmful to me in many way as a writer and outside of writing.

What books have most influenced your life most?

Good question.  So this doesn’t become a favorite books list I just say three. The X-Men comics, Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, and Frankenstein.

Have you ever been in trouble with the police?

As an adult beside a couple tickets, no.

What book are you reading now?

Captain America And The Falcon: The Swine, Attack On Titan: Vol.1, Doctor Who: The Wheel Of Ice, and Lemony Snicket File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents.

Have you ever gotten into a bar fight?

I would tell a story here but I’ve forgotten what is fact and what is fiction in the story so I’ll just not answer in answering.

Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?

Depends on what is meant by new authors. I’m just now getting into the writing of Kelly Sue DeConnick and  Marjorie Liu.

What is your biggest fear in writing?

I guess because I edit my own work there is a fear that people won’t see how much effort I’m putting in. I don’t mind putting my work out there is a sort of raw sate but as I’ve told people even writing shit takes a lot of work.

Name people that you feel supported you outside of family members.

Damon, Neka, Courtney, and so many others because most people might be complete shit but there are also good people.

What do you want your tombstone to say?

I said this on my Facebook once. When I die I want my tombstone to read: HAD STORIES, TOLD THEM.

Do you recall how your interest in writing originated?

From being a sick kid who spent a lot of time in hospital bed reading and thinking.

If you had a superpower, what would it be?

Teleportation.

Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?

I found I wasn’t improving any in my writing until I decided I was going to purposely challenge myself with everything I write. Now if you mean what challenging for those reading my writing I’d say understanding it. Believe me it’s hard for me to understand what I write too.

Who is your favorite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?

My favorite writer is Douglas Adams. I think what attracts me to his writing is this sense of him being a smart ass telling the story to the reader.

What literary character is most like you?

Mar has said I’m a cross between Charlie from Perks Of Being  A Wallflower and Fry from Futurama with bits of Bobbie Hill from King Of The Hill and Randal from Clerks thrown in.

Who designs the covers to Tin Universe Monthly?

I do. I’ve loved doing the covers this year as the theme for the main series being that of propaganda posters and the ads being the posters posted in different places. I would like to hire artists for the covers or hire cosplayers for photo covers in the future but mainly my covers are by me using my own photos or public domain images. I’ve also been lucky this year that some friends helped me by modeling or using some of their photos. I have some really good ones coming up soon. I think I’ve improved a lot doing covers and using programs like Gimp, and have had a lot of fun doing them of late even if its extra work for me, it’s also one of the biggest reasons for self-publishing in that you get to control the images that go with your stories.

What secret talents do you have?

I’m pretty good at finding the sweet spot of as Mar says “That got real quick.” This sort of thing always reminds me of how people from time to time say they like that I’m totally open on the internet. No I’m not. If you think I’m offensive and stupid on the net there is another level I’m on offline and then even another when I’m just with Mar.

Where is one place you want to visit that you haven't been before?

I would love to go to London because I know how happy us going there would make Mar.

What were the challenges in bringing Tin Universe Monthly to life?

The challenge every month is trying to make a vignette or flash fiction story something that people find interesting even if they aren’t always complete stories. Sometimes I succeed sometimes I fall flat on my face but have to get right back up to fight again doesn’t give you time to swim in your own bullshit.. The smaller a story is, the harder it is to get a point or idea across. Short Stories are way harder to write than a book, that’s a lesson learned. That’s the challenge in doing these. The series is to world build in laying down layer upon layer so when the next book comes out if you have read the series you will get even more from the book, though I’m also working hard on the next full Tin Universe adult book to be a story that you can enjoy without reading any of the monthly single issues.

Do you have any strange writing habits?

I don’t think so. I know I hate writing in silence, even though editing in quite is best. When I’m writing I need noise to cancel out my back brain so to speak. My back brain being every mistake I’ve ever made in my life in chorus form.

Do you have any scars?

Yes. Some from self-harm and others from stupidity. And others I was just born with.

What authors have inspired you to write?

Douglas Adams, Robert Holmes, Nova Ren Suma, Grant Morrison, Gail Simone, Courtney Summers, Neil Gaiman, Warren Ellis, and Margaret Atwood to name a few.

What is something you want to accomplish before you die?

Get a new job. Have a day without a lot of pain. Write something with one of my favorite writers.

How important are names to you in your books? Do you choose the names based on liking the way it sounds or the meaning?

I really don’t think much about character names. Normally I just pick first and last names at random and match them together. Usually when I try to think much about them I choose things I later regret when I have to write it over and over and over and over again.

Do you read your reviews?

No.

Do you drink?

Yes.

Smoke?

No. I have asthma and even I’m not that self-destructive.

What is your best marketing tip?

I suck at marketing. I know it’s something I need to work on to get word out there in more places about my releases. That’s why I started doing ad images for Tin Universe Monthly releases. Give people each time something different to see as almost teasers to what’s coming and it keeps people from getting a spamming feeling when I promote something. I want to do flyers and such also in the future but it’s all about balancing things because the stories must remain the main focus.

Do you write naked?

Nope. Though I did read once of a writer who masturbated before writing to clear his mind. But no. I actually have taken up the habit of taking a shower and dressing as if going to work before writing, sets my mind in the right direction.

What were you like as a child?

A sickly self-absorbed pain in the ass who thought he had all of the answers.

Is there one subject you would never write about as an author?

In college I wrote two books that I’ve never let anyone read but I do plan to publish one day. One was as I rewrote the Bible and the other was a pro serial killer first person book.

Is there a certain type of scene that's harder for you to write than others?

Action scenes I find really hard but I’m trying to find a way to give a feeling of action through the words but I’m starting to think over described action scenes are as bad as anything else over described.

What are you working on now?

Tin Universe Monthly, Generation Of A God, Tin Universe, Middle Grade Series #2, and another book project are what I work on every day, every week, every month.

you might want to check out,

Sexual Assault Awareness Month poster

      This poster is in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Created from poetry written in 2010 by me to draw attention to the issue, it has been paired up with a photo from Stainless Photography. Any profits made from sales of the poster will be donated to a local Melbourne Florida charity that helps people who are dealing with sexual violence issues.

Coming April 30th 2014

Tin Universe Monthly 2014 Extra Stuff In April Special

FREE

Tin Universe, Middle Grade Series #1
$1.00

     Someone is zombifying athletes at Clear Cut High School in Utah. Lucky the school has its own young superhero in the person of Mildred Betbeze to try and figure out what's going on. Pep rallies, cheerleaders, new kids in the neighborhood are just some of things our hero and her sidekick slash best friend Aisha have to deal with in the first book in Tin Universe's new middle grade series.

A Ton Of Question... and these were from friends

Brain Leakage from Battle Shields to Mary Tyler Moore and then President Snow

     Twitter Shits:

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 29

Creating to me can be a sword and shield held while going into battles I can't win. Battles out of my control. It's how I stay sane.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 29

Watching the Birds Of Prey episode of Arrow.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 29

I liked the Arrow episode. Still hate that DC film stuff has to be stuck only in darkness with no joy or laughs.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 29

I think if they made a Plastic Man tv series theyd start by making him a former serial killer and make his suit blood red.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 29

Got Justified: Season 4 from the library. Gonna watch the shit out of it.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 29

3 out of 5 stars for DMZ: War Powers

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 30

Finished Justified: Season 4. A good season. Now watching Luther: Season 1.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 31

Today is one of those days where I need to write and write and write until my fingers bleed or I'm going to completely lose my mind.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 31

Will I lose my Twitter card for not knowing what a subtweet is and not really giving a fuck?

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 31

A friend just told me what it means. So basically its a passive aggressive tweet? Isn't that basically the whole internet in a way?

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 31

Did 3252 words on a project that I'm going to release in 2014 or 2015. Felt good because I was just blindly writing also. Needed that.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 31

4 out of 5 stars for Saga: Vol.3

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 31

3 out of 5 stars for The Spirit: Book Two

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

Started daily morning yoga. That with back doing 30 Day Shred might mean I live out the year. #notanapirlfoolbecauseyouknowmeexercising

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

I'll get a few hours of writing to rest between yoga and shred because I'm soooooo out of shape.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

You know why its called 30 Day Shred? BECAUSE IT FUCKING SHREDS YOUR ASS... and legs... and arms... :(

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

I've done the work out in the past but started back today. I say April Fool's is as good of a day as any to try and fool myself about hope.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

I need a voice writing thingee... because arms not working so well...

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

I think it was a mistake eating a big breakfast before yoga and shred. Having bad stomach cramps now :(

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

I wish Hulu Plus had more than 3 seasons of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The first 3 s are good but the true groundbreaking still is after.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

A sad thing came to mind when watching these for the first time in a long time. You don't even see shows like this for women these days much

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

The Mary Tyler Moore Show tackled issues like pay gap and others that are still being ignored today by many and hardly ever addressed on TV.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

I either hurt my side working out or a kidney is about to burst.... kidneys are on the sides right?

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

BTW, the kidney thing is a fear. With all the over the counters I have to take mine can't be in good shape.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

But hey, I live in Florida with a shitsuckingasswhipecompanyfingeringtwit as Governor.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 1

Me"Soda and my kidneys feel better" Mar"Must be yelling give me caffeine or give me death" Me"Love u" Mar*middle finger kiss flip*

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 2

They finally replaced our hall light. Only took a year to do it. Oh, and I know how but our lease actually says we aren't suppose to do it.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 2

Our light fixtures are funky and you have to take things apart to change the bulbs.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 2

Lighting in our apartment sucks though. There are no living room or bedroom lights. Theres one in a short hallway, the bathroom, and kitchen

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

If as a writer you think you are full of shit now, read things you wrote in college, and you will find you are actually less of the shit now

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

Lunch is noodles, water, and Agents Of SHIELD.Watching the End Of The Beginning episode.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

I liked that episode of Agents Of SHIELD. Now watching the latest Arrow.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

I think sometimes Arrow suffers from having too many characters but it works in this episode.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

I do still think a smaller in scale solo Arrow first season would have been better to build from.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

That's my favorite Arrow episode so far. Both SHIELD and Arrow look to be building to something good.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

Someone fill a troth with a hamburger, fries, soda, and maybe an apple pie. Then bring it before me and I shall not bring ruin upon America.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

That's the closes I'll ever get to making a super villain speech.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

I go off on the salt rant from the episode 2 of Chef! when Mar put BBQ sauce or extra cheese on everything I cook.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

Ever time I do a Chef! marathon it makes me miss working in a restaurant. I love being in a kitchen.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Apr 3

I've had many jobs. Been pretty high up at a company sitting at a desk but my favorite jobs are all food related.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  23h

3 out of 5 stars for DMZ: The Five Nations Of New York

     Facebook Piss:

Me"I'm like President Snow but instead of roses I'm covering up my decay with incense." Friend"So President Snow is emo?" Me"Pretty much." Friend"I think you see things different from everyone else." Me"Thanks." Friend"Wasn't saying that as a good thing but as a I'm slowly walking away from you thing."

Saying my "lack of faith" is the reason why I'm struggling in my life IS why I just told you to fuck off. Also you ant no Darth Vader. Again, fuck off. This is called a passive aggressive fuck you, otherwise known as you don't wont me to bring this up in person remember I know a lot of your families little sinful sidesteps and at least I'm not cover mine up like an extra layer of tar on the roof in winter.

you might want to check out,

Sexual Assault Awareness Month poster

      This poster is in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Created from poetry written in 2010 by me to draw attention to the issue, it has been paired up with a photo from Stainless Photography. Any profits made from sales of the poster will be donated to a local Melbourne Florida charity that helps people who are dealing with sexual violence issues.

Generation Of A God

Monthly Website Chapter/Page Releases

Coming April 22nd 2014

Tin Universe Monthly #15

FREE

Coming May 26th 2014

Tin Universe Monthly 2014 Memorial Day Special

FREE

Tin Universe, Middle Grade Series #1
$1.00

     Someone is zombifying athletes at Clear Cut High School in Utah. Lucky the school has its own young superhero in the person of Mildred Betbeze to try and figure out what's going on. Pep rallies, cheerleaders, new kids in the neighborhood are just some of things our hero and her sidekick slash best friend Aisha have to deal with in the first book in Tin Universe's new middle grade series.

Brain Leakage from Battle Shields to Mary Tyler Moore and then President Snow

Brain Leakage from Vegetarianism to Writing to Neighbors

     Puss From Facebook:

     I'm a bad person because I anger people? Ok, here. I think Vegetarianism is mainly a white privileged mindset when it comes to food. I think there should be limits to how long you can draw unemployment. I think its a shame that most churches don't get the attention they deserve for the hate groups that they are. The worst thing that happen to many people who lived after The Revolutionary War was us winning. Banning any word is a stupid shit idea. Oh, and don't tell anyone but I've touched another mans penis, I guess we can't be friends now.

     The only thing I will say on the whole Colbert Report blow up is a question. Why aren't all these people so pissed off about the Colbert segment also really pissed every time the Redskins have a game on TV? People are attacking him and the show and not going after the real racism that he was addressing.Its internet distraction bullshit and the way most people handle the discussion of issues these days. They really can’t defend their racism so they say look over here instead. All of this tells me a couple things. Racism is fine in America as long as tackling it wont hurt my FOOTBALL and its fine as long as its against Native Americans.

     So many people, including myself, see the Affordable Care Act overall as a good thing but many are just tired because of what Florida has done with not expanding Medicaid. A friend told me the other day "The Florida government has basically said go ahead and die so we can make a point." I have to be honest and say I'm starting to feel the same way. You don't want to think politicians want people to die to make a point but it starts to feel that way. Tragic that the circumstances of what state you live in will decide life and death.

     Mucus From Twitter:

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 21

Just cut 4k words out of something and that never gets easy. Still feels a little like failure but time to get on with things.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 21

I'm up at 2am writing. I could be up at 2m planning the destruction of every thing within my touch. THREE CHEERS FOR DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR!

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 21

Today was a shit bag day so tonight move on and get stuff done

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 21

Really love writing right now more than I ever have. Doing monthly releases is teaching me so much. Might be stupid but I like the learning

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 22

It's the night before a release because I'm sick, coffee at 2am, thinking about taking my clothes off walking into ocean Douglas Adams style

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 22

I just had the top half of a double root canal break off. Lucky I didnt swallow it because it has two small screws sticking out.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 22

I need a couple hundred beers now.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

Im just going to sit outside and write in a notebook while listening to Set Fire To The Rain and everything else can be fucked.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

Mar was talking to me and all of a sudden "Squirrel!"

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

"You are my master and I loove you"

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

Me"Im starting to feelings, I need another beer" Mar"Feelings are hard"

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

Beer, why the hate?

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

Friend took me for drinks as a distraction. Worked but headache now.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 23

Now Im doing what any sane person should do when finding themselves in a bad spot, watching Doctor Who.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

My fav answer from writers when it comes to not writing diverse characters is "I'm afraid I wont do it right" Well, in fact that is a cowardly way to write and also research.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

If you make a mistake. Take in the words of others and learn from it.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

I'm not happy about the change from Kitty Pride being the lead character in Days Of Future Past to Wolverine but I understand it.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

I'm channeling my time in Philosophy classes in what I'm writing today so its long winded, uses big words, and says absolutely nothing.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

Projects are the painkillers for poor writers. Just added a second poetry collection release for 2014. One in June and then another in Oct

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

TMNT, ice cream kitty? This episode is twisted and great.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

"Smell the cheese!" I love this show.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

"You're my hero, and you taste so good"

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

It was really good. I didn't think I'd like this show as much as I do. Can't wait until I get season one from the library.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

Been reading up on a lot of local apartments and many are saying cats must be declawed. Thats fucking bullshit and cruel.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

And many are using outside companies to overcharge for water, sewer, and such.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

And I live in a state that protects companies over people at every turn.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

Looking through public domain image. The mindlessness of it is keeping me from screaming.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

Im making a cake at 9pm because the rest of the world can kiss my ass and cant have any of my cake.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

Chocolate yellow cake with creamy frosting. Asshole neighbors cant have any. The fuckshit complex people, none for them. Only us.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

I hate noisy neighbors with the white hot hatred of eating a whole cake.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 24

Said it before and I'll say it again. I don't think most people are good. I do think the good people outshine the bad ones by miles though.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Love when someone blasting their music until almost 3am and when you bang on their door they act like sorry man, didn't know it was so loud.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

It's 3am. One, yes, very loud. Two, doesn't matter IT'S 3FUCKINGam. And I'll add a Three in 3 Scarface posters in one living room, lame.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

I could be friends with a murder. A serial killer for that matter. But if you think its ok to blast music at all hours. I don't like you.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

I'm so pissed off my head is pounding and heart racing. I don't know if the music has totally stopped or I'm just pumped with anger.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Friend"People talk about going to jail for free healthcare but no one ever seriously thinks about it." *I raise my hand*

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

I watching The Bob Newhart Show today so I can hear Edna Krabappel's voice while writing.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Talk of privilege of any kind is twisted back to saying people are attacking someone. It's a bullshit cowardly defense really.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

People want this convo to crumble into a spam war so the real issues are never talked about in detail to get to the real problem

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Reminder: Talking about white privilege isn't saying all white people are racist.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Talking male privilege isn't saying all men are evil.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Talking about first world problems isn't saying your life problems don't matter.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

That response is showing your stupid.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Just heard back from a job I thought I had locked up. Was even told it was basically mine but nope. Fucking shit.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

So this is what a breaking point looks like?

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Friend"Is writing a book hard?" Me"Not the way I do it" Mar"You ripped that from Oz" Me"Also even a shitly written book is hard"

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Mar"I wont wait for you if you go to jail." Me"I wont wait for you in jail."

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 25

Reading DMZ and watching Scott & Bailey because, you know, I needed some cheerful things.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

Anxiety has been bothering me all day. A feeling that if I don't keep moving the world will cave in so I'm working on six projects at once.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

While working watching The Secret of Crickley Hall. It has Arya Stark and the T.A.R.D.I.S in it.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

I haven't even gotten through the first episode of American Horror Story. I'm already more interested in The Secret of Crickley Hall.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

American Horror Story to me seems like it trying too hard to be edge and dark and sometimes that's all it has in its moments.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

After a cucumber sandwich for lunch I changed my viewing to Meatballs. I haven't seen this since the 1980's

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

Will start doing 30 Day Shred first thing in the morning to say sunshine to our asshole neighbors. Might get into shape also.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

I'm embracing the darkside of the force.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

If youre on the first floor blasting music I'm going to be hit with the desire to dance. Also pick up and drop litter bag.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 26

This exercise through hate of those downstairs might be the breakthrough workout trend of the season.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

That Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle trailer....so humorless, basic, and boring looking.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

I try to give stuff a chance but that didn't give me anything to say this TMNT has a hope of being good.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

Presenting stuff to a wider audience outside its fan base is one thing but I don't know... That had nothing TMNT about it.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

And I know people will say the original TMNT comics weren't like the cartoons...

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

Ok, the original Batman used guns. There is good change and then there's Michael Bay.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

Even though I can enjoy the Transformers movies, though they don't have the spirit of the source materials, it's because it's giant robots.

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

A TMNT story is still a street level story. It's a human story with humor and character development. Doesn't any of that ring Michael Bay?

Brian Williams ‏@hangofwednesday  Mar 27

A friend"If you had Michael Bay as a second unit director doing the action and put him with another director for everything else. Hit movie"

     My Tumblr Spit:

Mar showing off her Expecto Patronum bleach pen shirt. She found the design for it online. She told me at first to cut her head off the picture before posting but I told her that wouldn’t be right because that would make her a YA novel cover.

I made the shirt below to cheer myself up inspired by my favorite zombie book This Is Not A Test by Courtney Summers.

Mar cheered me up by writing this on the mirror while I was in the shower. Take a guess what it said.

     This has been a very fuck you week for me. Things started with a email from someone who was part of a community I use to be a part of online and then went to instant messages. I hadn’t heard from this person in years and never was huge friends with them online but it was nice hearing from someone from that time since I destroyed most of my friendships from that time when I disappeared from contact during a breakdown. The conversation was good for the most part until I got this message “Of all those talented people its too bad you ended up the one who failed the most.”

     And then the next day in an email from someone I use to go to school with and was pretty close with at one time responding to something I wrote on Facebook about finding a nice dinner jacket I liked and buying it even though it was a women’s jacket. “I really hope you weren’t serious about wearing a woman’s dinner jacket. I’d hate to think bad things about you Brian.”

     And another case of a email from a former friend, this one responding to me saying me and Mar don’t want kids. “I think you’re being selfish.” Me”You know what’s selfish…. listen my choice or Mar’s to have or not to have kids is our fucking business but if you want to be a asshole in high waters lets swim. Who is being selfish me for not wanting to have kids because of the world we live in, my financial situation, and the probability of my genes passing on a lot of the health problems I’ve had all my life or you? You have the money to have four kids and good for you and them but you could have also adapted a child already in the world. You could have adapted two. You could have adapted three. So fuck you and your self righteousness.”

    And when I thought man that part of the week just sucked ass here came the weekend as half of a double root canal I had a few years ago decided to brake off.

     For a long time the screws were stabbing into my gums every time I chewed so this is in a way better. Still hurts like a fucking fucker fucker. The second half of the double root canal is still there but I don’t think it’s suppose to function on its own like this. I check on getting the rest of it pulled and will be selling off a bunch of stuff soon to try and get that done but for now its over the counter meds and trying to find ways of distracting myself.

      I few years ago, seems like so many, but was probably just a few, but a few years ago I had a breakdown. Things in life just tumbled out of control and I checked out. I deleted my online presence which was one of the few places I had to turn for help in a purely self destructive action. I cut off contact with all friends- losing most forever. I stopped paying bills = the main reason I’m in unbreachable debt. I mention this now because I’m feeling the same thoughts now. I want to delete my Twitter, Facebook, Gmail, and all other sites. Stop writing. Give up. Find a hole to crawl into. I’ve been unemployed going on ten years. I know to some that seems unbelievable but I’ve tried everywhere and anywhere. I left my old job because they were doing illegal things, things I thought were immoral, but I also can’t get unemployment because it only works if you get fired. Great system. I have health issues out the asshole but mainly I need to have an operation to correct my jaw that’s been needed for years and the main reason my teeth are all slowly dying. Pain is starting to become a shouting in my ears that I can’t turn off, ever. I’m tired of being worthless to those I love. I’m not suicidal. Not suicidal. I’m just ready to stop, to quit, because I don’t know what else to do. That last job I spoke of I begged them about a year ago to take me back. I went to them and in front of others because that’s how my former boss wanted it and I begged to get my job back and they laughed. I can’t get healthcare because I have no job and I live in a state were the government has decided to make a political point and not expand medicaid so screwed and screwed. I finally broke down and tried to get full medicaid but no there also. What else can I do? I can keep fighting, keep surviving, but surviving for survival only? Survival when I’m adding nothing to the whole or more selfishly to the me? They say depression lies and it does but it also uses hard truth within those lies and that’s why its so hard to fight. Something will happen, the days will keep coming and things might turn around or they might not. What I do know is this isn’t easy. I’m at a point where I don’t care what people think as I talk about how things are in my life.

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Brain Leakage from Vegetarianism to Writing to Neighbors

Writer brain meets idiots, idiots look scared

Writer brain meets idiots, idiots look scared

Stumbling Backwards

     From a conversation with a friend, an editor. Me-"I don't think writers are meant to walk into calm waters by the way they approach what to write and by what they end up writing. To me, personally, if you are doing something you have done before or writing down safe roads, you are stumbling backwards."

Stumbling Backwards

The Real Work, crap crap crap crap.... *insane smiles*

     

     When I get good ideas out of the blue for a work in progress that's going to make things better but also more difficult I jump up and down in frustrated smiles. Writing is a medicated BDSM proscription.
     I keep getting ideas and have to go back through this WIP and its frustrating because I know its making things better but...I feel like I'm getting nowhere.....I know, my friends who are really good writers are probably saying I'm finally understanding what real writing work is and you are so right.
     This past week I got two good ideas that really add to this WIP but its a back track to the beginning and moving back through once again. On some parts of this I'm on a 3rd draft, on others a 2nd draft, and more and more things a zero draft. These new things are needed, the work is weak without them, but I need to be careful also that I don't get idea overload because I've drowned myself in that sometimes.
     The real work of writing, as I'm learning, is one of balances. Balance of setting a road and travelling down it, knowing when a backtrack is a good idea, knowing that driving with a chaos course is no excuse for lazy navigating, knowing when to seek directions when lost, and when to be afraid of how the trip is going.

The Real Work, crap crap crap crap.... *insane smiles*

Writer Honesty?

     From an email exchange I had today.

     Email-"Do you have friends who are in print published writers?"
     Me-"Yes, three. And one editor."
     Email-"Do you talk to them about writing?"
     Me-"To be honest, not much, and mainly because I have this scratch in the back of my brain that tells me they will at any moment tell me to come back when I'm a real writer. None of them would say that but it's a thought that's there if I'm being honest"

Writer Honesty?

Can't, I Has No Time Turner or T.A.R.D.I.S so THE TIME!!!

     I posted this on my Twitter today and it got me thinking: "I currently have 666 emails in my inbox. This shit just got real." and none of that is spam.

     I get more email now than I've ever gotten in all my time online and I love getting emails from friends, people who read my rants, rambles, and opinion screams on my different sites, and people who read my stories, and I want you to know your emails positive or negative about my writing give me smiles on bad days and good ones alike, and I will answer each and every one, but I can answer emails on time and write daily blog rants, rambles, and opinion pieces or I can tune up the stories I'm writing to a point that my chaos brain puke can be understood.
     If I focus on the former and not the latter you get the stories I released on the internet so for. Not ashamed of any of those stories, lessons learned, steps on the road, not deleting them, but this is how it must be for me from now on. Born in 1974 and I have been writing almost my whole life in one shape or form and now I'm at a point of finally seeing the road I want to take and how to get there but I have to build that road and take those steps and I'm not the brightest bulb in the outhouse so it takes me a lot of time and effort.
     As I said, slowly I'm attacking that 666 and I will still update the sites but probably no where near as much as I have in the past.

and the irony of writing a blog entry about needing to do less things like writing blog entries.

or is that irony? Damn you Alanis....

Can't, I Has No Time Turner or T.A.R.D.I.S so THE TIME!!!