Saturday, September 29, 2007


Robbin if you read this point Tim here or tell him thanks for the pizza. I forgot with all the fun craziness going on. By the way I enjoyed hanging out with you today. We really should do it more often...ok, bye!



I really have the itch to write a book with someone. My top three people to write a book with are friends but there are three problems with all three. All three are really busy, all three do not consider themselves writers even though I love the way they think and write, and all three I'm afraid to ask because I'm afriad of rejection...You would think a writer would be use to it but, Hey?...Not really.

The past couple of weeks have my asthma getting worse and worse. Tonight I had a asthma attack when I got home and I'm still up at 6am recovering from it. I hate this part of my life. Just makes me want to walk barly breathing all the way back into past depressions. Guess, Like other things I'll just have to get over it and move forward.

Currently watching Hana Montana. I know, I know...

Writing away on a number of things. I need to also make a trip to B&N to check out the Writer's Market book for this year because I feel a short story state of mind coming on also which would mean sending out some submissions.

For those around here locally in the Melbourne Florida area there will be a big used book sale by Friends Of The Library at the Melbourne Public Library. Here is the information for the sale:
Thursday, October 4th 7pm-9pm, members only preview sale. Membership for Friends Of The Library available at the door. Friday & Saturday, October 5th and 6th from 9a-5pm for the public. On October 7th from 1p-3pm there will be a Bag-It Sale, grocery bags of books for $2.00.
I love library book sales and want to go but if I do it might be only for the bag sale because I can barly afford the $2.00 deal. Check it out if you are in the area. It supports a good cause for the community.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Been offline for a while helping family. One of my best friends was in the hospital. Will try to get back to regular updates tonight but just wanted to let the few people who visit here know that I did not drop off the face of the Earth or anything of the such.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

THE TITLE IS: Last Night One Of The Things Discussed Was Nipples…

Written at home, 10am, with the first soda of the day in my hand.

Bleeding across whispers of nuclear terrorist states,
I live in one, un-united and all on the take,
The people in the small houses are at stake,
The children of the wealthy are our future,
I’m still wondering when the world will awake,
Crawl, Crawl, my mind screams,
All most of us can do is wait,
All this world can give us is hate,

The above is brought to you by someone who just woke up and is not in the best of moods at the moment.

I picked a old book off one of our shelf’s which I picked up at a yard sale a long time ago but never read. I picked it because I had not read any Junior fiction in a long time and I think to move all over the place in my reading. The book is, The Secret World Of Alex Mack: Cleanup Catastrophe! By Cathy East Dubowski. I always thought that was a good youth show when it was on Nickelodeon years ago. I read it last night. Mar also brought a book I asked for back from the library last night titled- Angus, Thongs And Full Frontal Snogging written by Louise Rennison. Mar has read all of the series that has come out so far. I wanted it to use as a read before bed book and the journalish structure of the book fits that purpose. I’m always reading a ton of books at once. Currently the main book I am reading is Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and so yes I did not finish it before the signing. I have been doing more writing than reading of late. Which is a good thing for me and the books I am working on. The book I read when we go to movies or out for dinner or such sort trips is Doctor Who: The Feast Of The Drowned by Stephen Cole and one of these days I will finish Doctor Who: The Burning by Justin Richards but it keeps getting pushed to the side for other books which is no say on the quality of the book and more on how weird my reading habits are. And I did not even mention the comics, graphic novels, short stories, and internet fiction. No wonder I have always had that dream of drowning in badly spelled words.

Oh, and I always have a Douglas Adams book in my bag at all times and currently that book is So Long And Thanks For All The Fish.

Currently watching Rosanne which is so my family, may watch Star Trek later…Man, I need to find a job soon. You think as a writer that all you need is full days to write without a job to get in the way to get things done and after a few weeks of that all you need is a chance to totally get away from writing for a while every day and nothing does that quite like a soul sucking daily job.

After Star Trek I don’t think anything else worth watching will be on for a while so I will be walking slowing back into the waters of the books I’m currently working on.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

As always if you have any comments you wish to make by e-mail you can contact me by:
If you wish for me to keep your name and information private please let me know so in the e-mail.

Brian C. Williams

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

THE TITLE IS: “Kings don’t hurt babies, Giant swords hurt babies.”

We hit a couple of libraries for visits yesterday and I picked up a few books from their dollar bins. The first two books I picked up were by writers I had been meaning to check out for a while. One was Nightseer by Laurell K. Hamilton. I have almost bought one of her Anita Black books a number of times but Nightseer was a her debut novel and it was in mint condition so it was worth the dollar. The second book I picked up on this trip was The First Counsel by Brad Meltzer. At the second library of the day I picked up Star Trek, Deep Space Nine: The Siege by Peter David who is one of my favorite writers and The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. Another favorite writer of mine

Today I sleep late and felt like shit with a migraine as Mar tried to make me feel better. Gotta love that lady. And not just because she puts up with my inability to follow directions from the living room into the bathroom without help.

My head has been really killing me of late. Mostly due to my bad tooth. Good news in the writing front as I added two good chapters to the dark adult book I’m working on and also decided to combine a couple of writing PDF collections I put out a couple of years ago which contained a lot of terrible editing by myself. I will be restructuring the stories into something different focusing on a better way to tell the original ideas I had for the stories in the first place. This time though I will get a better editor for them so people will actually be able to understand the crap they are reading. Both of these book may be released as PDF books. Depends all on how the turn out in the end. Still working on the second draft of Stereo but my mind just is not in the proper place for that story at the moment so work there is moving slowly.

Need to send some good thoughts out to Touch and Robin Bird who have been having a hard time of it of late.

Oh, and from now on I will be answering all comments in the comments area. I know that’s the way every one else does it but for a long time I tried to answer within entries but the other way is better, I admit it.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

As always if you have any comments you wish to make by e-mail you can contact me by:
If you wish for me to keep your name and information private please let me know so in the e-mail.

Brian C. Williams

Monday, September 17, 2007


testing the hotel bed
The hotel in Miami was nice. The bed was way off the floor and had small pillows?

See Mar in the mirror wondering if I'm in love with the TV in the hotel
I wanted to sneak the TV out in my pocket but Mar thought they might notice.

Miami outside our hotel
The city which is great but has the worst driving layout I have ever seen.

the lines grow
Before she came out everything was calm in the gym. We estimated that around 300 people where probably there and most had up to three books each to have signed.

then the ladies rushed forward
She came out and the lines disapeared as young ladies all over rushed forward. The event people did not line this place up corretly. It took us almost two hours to get our books signed but it was cool.

the liberian finds our home
She always finds one. I love them and her too.

I did this very fast before the computer dropped signal again so sorry for the more than likly massive amount of spelling and grammar errors.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

As always if you have any comments you wish to make by e-mail you can contact me by:
If you wish for me to keep your name and information private please let me know so in the e-mail.

Brian C. Williams


Lets start the week with a little survey thingee. I was going to post this as a bulletin on my MySpace but I could not get it to work with me. Fucking Fox.

1) Some random girl comes up to you and says "Hey what's your name?" You say?
Brian, I hate it but it has walked with me along all my roads in this life.

2) What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
I woke up at 10am and took two Nighttime PM’s

3) What does your last text message say?
It was from someone who I love deeply who life has been attacking a lot of late. I love you Wave.

4) The last song you listened to?
Hurt, the Johnny Cash version.

5) If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would you play?
Worthless Winter. It’s a song a friend of mine wrote and I have always thought it would be the perfect song for a hatred funeral. If she gives me permission I will post the lyrics here one day.

6) Where is your best friend right now?
At work.

7) What did you do yesterday?
Mostly rode co-pilot as Mar drove back from Miami.

8) Pick a scar on your body - what did you do?
Burned myself when I worked at Boston Market.

9) What teacher have you hated most and why?
Mr. Nash, my high school principal. He told me I was stupid and that I should quit school. I told him to fuck himself when he handed me my diploma. He died two months after graduation. I smiled.

10) How old is your mom?
I have no idea actually, to be honest. I love my family but we are not close.

12) What do you think really happened to Steve from Blue's Clues?
I have a little birdy that says some guy at B&N took his shirt and Steve has been tracking him down every since then.

13) Last time you were dumped?
If you mean just dating? high school. I’ve only had two serious relationships. One just drifted away in sorts and the other is my current torrid love affair with a Liberian.

14) Who's your most religious friend?
The Queen probably

15) Who do you trust with your life?
My Soul Friends. When I get to the point were I call you friend then I trust you with my life. This is one of the reasons that I do not have many friends and two that it takes me so long to develop friendships. My Soul Friends are: Mo, Alia Sun, July, Oracle, Brave Summers, Ghost, Speede, Tankgirl, Wave, Ms. Sands, Calm, Touch, and Bird. I give all my friends nicknames.

16) If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
Justice… What?

17) What would you say if someone told you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
I would look them straight in the eyes, open my mouth, and say, “Dude, no front teeth.”

18) What do you hate about your school?
Well, my school right now is inside my own head so I hate all the cobwebs hanging around.

19) How often do you curse?
Not often in my writing, quite often inside my head, and a little in real life.

20) Do you trust all of your friends?
My Soul Friends yes. Common friends no.

21) Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Did so. I do not regret doing it either even though things did not work out with that person. I have a friendship from it and it has lead me to where I am today which is probably the best state of mind in my life.

22.) Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
Nope. Not really a big phone person.

23) Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Uninformed cheating and abuse.

24) Which one of your friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
I’ll think on this……?

25) Are you afraid of falling in love?
Nope. I have been in love four times.

26) Is there someone that popped in your mind after that question?

27) Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
Did it once. Distanced myself from everyone and its not worth it.

28) What features do you find most attractive in the opposite/same sex?
Smiles on both men and women and also intelligence in both.

29) Fill in the blank. I love_____

30) What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
I want to have at least two books published by the end of 08.

31) If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
I would go online to check on Doctor Who news. Ask my loved ones. They will tell you this probably isn’t a joke : )

32) How many kids do you want to have?
Zero from my blood but if I found myself with the money to support a child in a healthy environment I would like to adopt some day.

33) Would you make a good parent?
Ask others. I don’t really think so.

34) Where was your default picture taken?
At our apartment.

35) What is your middle name?
Clifton. It’s my dads middle name, his fathers middle name, and his fathers.

36) Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Having to take nighttime PMS to make the start of the days is probably not a good thing.

37) If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
Nothing. I am the sum of my memories as The Doctor once said.

38) Shoe size?
I think 9?

39) What are you wearing right now?
Wide fronts and a t-shirt.

40) Righty or Lefty?

41) Can you make a dollar in change right now?

42) Best place to eat?

43) Favorite jeans?
My favorite jeans no longer fit me.

44) Favorite animal?

45) Favorite juice?
Apple, though it makes my tummy hurt.

46) Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes. They had to take me to the hospital and strap me down I was scratching myself so deep when I had them.

47) Have you had a sore throat?
Yes but not from anything fun: )

48) Ever had plastic surgery?
Nope but I would in a second if I had the money.

49) Who knows you the best?
My old friend Sara seemed to always be able to look past all my forms of bullshit. Mar knows me better than anyone in so many ways.

50) Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
No but I’m suppose to wear glasses for reading and sunlight protection.

51) Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Don’t have one.

52) Been to Mexico?
Legally? No.

53) Did you buy something yesterday?
No, Mar bought me tickets to see Shoot’em Up. A great escape movie.

54) Did you get sick today?
Already, yes. Most days I wake up about to throw up.

55) Did you miss anyone today?
I miss Mar.

56) Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Not yet but keep the fingers crossed.

57) When is the last time you liked someone?
I like lots of people, I love a small group of people, you could not measure how many people I hate though and hate like love does not come easy to me. I have just meet a lot of worthless people in my life.

58) Last person to lay in your bed?
Me. Hotel beds are so much better.

59) Last person to see you cry?

60) Who/what made you cry?
Not being able to give the person I love most in this world something special for her birthday because I was weak.

62) What are your plans for the weekend?
I don’t think I have any plans? Hopefully starting a new job or hanging out with friends.

63) Who do you think will repost this?
Don’t care.

64) Are you happy right now?
Yea, actually, sort of?

65) Drunk dialer or texter?
Neither. I hardly ever get drunk.

66) Are you hungry?
Yep. I need a steak but they are trying to kill me.

67) Are you a forgiving person?
Professionally, socially, yes but I always remember. Personally for the most part yes but….well, as the old saying goes, “Don’t mistake kindness for weakness.”

68) Would you ever share a girl/boyfriend with your best friend?
Depends totally on the situation.

69) Have you lost a friend recently?
My Soul Friends at times just drift out of my life. That’s just how living individual lives works.

70) Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Only a character in a story I am working on.

71) Do you want a relationship right now?
Have one. Love her very much.

72) What are you about to do right now?
Well, when this throw up headache feeling goes away I want to clean up the apartment and clean out the refrigerator.

73) Would you hug your most recent ex?
Yea if she needed it.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

As always if you have any comments you wish to make by e-mail you can contact me by:
If you wish for me to keep your name and information private please let me know so in the e-mail.

Brian C. Williams

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


The Job Fair kind of sucked and felt kind of sexist to me but I'm too tired for ranting. I'm going to be going to the doctor because I have never felt this bad in my life and though I hate doctors and think sometimes voodo would do more for me I'm going to go because I'm also scared. I'm also changing my eating habits and Mar is also so it will make it easier on both of us.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007


I’m trying to rest today and I’m feeling a little better. Tomorrow I will be a going to a Job Fair thingee and probably to the doctor later in the week. But lets think good thoughts but please keep the Care Bears away from me. I’m still a bit grouchy. Thanks to everyone who have left any sort of good thoughts since I left the old pay the rent job. The e-mails and comments are greatly appreciated.

Right now I’m watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. Robbin, it’s the episode with Barkley and the transporters. Next Generation is my favorite Trek series but a close second is actually Deep Space Nine. Though I have never been a big huge huge Star Trek fan I have always enjoyed watching the series when they are on. Well, I didn’t enjoy Enterprise but who the fuck did? Enterprise made Voyager look like Shakespeare.

Now some may see the following as bad thoughts but they really aren’t. I’ve always been a little Goth in nature so thoughts of death really never signal signs of depression. See lately I have been thinking if I die what would I leave behind. Now I’m not talking about friendships or such or money because I’m as broke as broke can be, I’m speaking as a writer. Now I’ve sold and had things published here and there but never anything in book form or a short story in any sort of wide distributed collection. As a writer I have been thinking would anyone even know how much writing meant to me and how much passion I had for the story we all as writers put a part in? The story of the whole of humanities imagination. What do I leave behind as my part to the story? So I’m writing like a mad man to finish as much of my writing as I can. I’m writing to put everything I have on paper down onto computer because no one can read my hand writing. Stupid thoughts I know from someone who has never had a major publication but how are they going to put all my writing bits into some sort of huge collection if they can’t read my hand writing?

Well, The Trek episode just ended and another is starting so I will end that thought and move on to reading more of Twilight.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

As always if you have any comments you wish to make by e-mail you can contact me by:
If you wish for me to keep your name and information private please let me know so in the e-mail.

Brian C. Williams

Sunday, September 9, 2007


Had a great time with friends last night hanging out and watching movies and running our mouths. Today I’m not really feeling much better. I think I’m going to go to the doctor in the next few days. I’ve been feeling really down and stressed so much and I also have been having little chest pains and with my terrible eating habits and family history those are not good signs. Yes, this scares me a whole lot. I’m stressed and it is making me sick but one of my biggest stressors is how sick I think I maybe. Right now just about the only way I can stay calm is when writing or reading. Yea, scared. Quite a bit.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

As always if you have any comments you wish to make by e-mail you can contact me by:
If you wish for me to keep your name and information private please let me know so in the e-mail.

brian c. williams

Saturday, September 8, 2007


Will go grocery shopping today. Now to get me through the place without ordering the most unhealthy stuff in the world. Good thing is I have Mar to keep me from- one being Mr. Impulse Buyer and picking up everything I see that’s shiny and two to keep me from buy a cart full of beef jerky because I have always lead my life in a way that says, “There is never enough jerky in your life.”

I’m feeling better today but now it is time for me to try and clean up the living room a little. We have my scientist coming over for what will probably lead to drinks and deep thoughts. Now all we need to have is a model over and We Have A Party Happening! Though maybe a model would lead to inappropriate pictures. Here’s hoping! At least we aren’t having over any mooches who live off women and look like some sort of cheap porn director asshole….sorry, got inside and personal there for a bit. Anyone who does not know me personal should just put this bit out of their minds.

I have started reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Need to finish that up before we go to the signing so I will not feel like a big dippy dope in getting my copy signed. After Twilight I plan to read Mort by Terry Pratchett from a recommendation from Katie from Katie‘s Reading. See the links to the right for her blog of book reviews of what she is and plans to read. I love her blog because most of what she reads I would not pick up on my own and thus I’m introduced to books I would not normally hear about.

I have to return to cleaning I guess. I’m such a slob. I wonder why Mar puts up with me? I guess I’m just too cute for words…..Mar stop the laughing while reading this. No laughing at the toothless guy when company is coming over.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

Friday, September 7, 2007


The eye isn’t twitching today. My chest is hurting and I was bend over in the bedroom for a while tonight with what I think is either my old ulcer coming back or my old kidney stones coming back. Oh, you think it is stress related. No shit, had that idea myself. Un-directed bitching aside I watched and recorded Our Universe: The Big Bang the other night on The History Channel. I love that series. Robbin, I will bring it over when we come over unless I kill over between now and then. In that case its sitting on my copy of Wicked.
How do you thank someone for being a good influence in your life in a getting you interested in things you always thought yourself not smart enough to explore? Robbin, you opened my eyes to science in a way no teacher ever did. Now I guess I will have to add some real science in my stories with all the made up shit that comes out of my head. I am so glade your friendship has entered my life and not just for the reason I listed above. Now I know you can’t wait until I butcher a lot of science along with the English writing bit in a story but you will have to wait a bit longer because I have two other books ahead of that one.

Visited the bank to straighten out some shit not of my doing. Am I the only person who when they talk to someone at the bank thinks they only see you as a balance amount? I have a feeling if I waved a few hundreds into some of these peoples faces they might even smile in my direction. With as low as my bank account is they barley knowledge my existence. Might be because of the earlier bitching mode I spoke of but this entry maybe a back and forth between positive and negative writing.

Speaking of writing and a positive. The darker in tone first draft of a book I am writing hit the last stretch section of the book last night and I finished the rough first draft. Now that I know how the story is going to end I think I will end this notebook draft in the next couple of days and move onto a computer draft. I like this story but I may just release it for free as a PDF online. I think it maybe too hardcore and out there for publication.

Mar is doing the dishes because of my little sick spell earlier. I’m watching Simpsons and King Of The Hill as she does that. I really feel like shit and I know I’ve been saying it for years but I have to change the way I live. I need to exercise and eat better. Hell, I can’t die yet I really want to piss off a lot of people with my crappy writing before I go.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


My daily dietary habits make the National Heart Associations study on dietary habits scream in horror. And add to that now that my current stress level is making my left eye twitch like a crack addict walking through a Congressman’s office and I do not say that my health is in line right now. Now ever time its starts twitching really bad I turn for Mar to see and it stops. So no one else is seeing this yet and it maybe that fate and creation at large is teasing me as such or I’m going mad and this is all a part of my imagination and my drifting into further delusionment. Did I spell that right? Who cares, I’m typing with one eye right now. Good news is Mar loves pirates.

Though I will have a photo entry up about the Tampa trip soon I will say now that I loved the trip and spending time with Mar away from everything. Though the traffic sucks there I wouldn’t mind living there. I spotted some book stores, a Best Buy, and what seems like a good public transportation system. I planned to do some reading and writing while there but put all of that aside to completely have a wonderful time with the women I love to celebrate her birthday with a concert and lots of other things. We Housed it up lots and lots.

Reading wise I’m still reading Infinite Crisis by Greg Cox and once I finish that I will probably move on to Twilight by Stephenie Meyer which I have to finish quick before going to the signing. Mar has read the books but I think it would be kind of sucky to get someones autography on a book I haven’t even read. I recently finished reading-The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts by Douglas Adams, Universe In Your Pocket by Joel Levy, Hellblazer: Black Flowers by Mike Carey, The Return Of Superman by various, Secret Societies by Nick Harding, and Showcase Presents Justice League Of America: Volume Two by various. Books are life savers when you are in a happy state and even more so when you are just angry and depressed.

Mar bought me two Doctor Who DVDs the other day while in Orlando even though it was on her birthday days. I now have Doctor Who: Survival and Doctor Who: The Web Planet in my collection. She loves me. I love her. We are of the love.

The currently airing season of Doctor Who is nearing the end point of the season. I love Friday nights on The Sci-Fi Channel. Those fuckers just need to start airing classic Who episodes. I might even watch some of their crappy TV movies if they did so.

I love writing. It is not only my passion it sometimes is my escape from not only the world but myself. I am still working on the 2nd Draft of Stereo but with the leaving the pay the rent job stress and other worldly bullshit my passion is helping me stir off dark feelings into a story that is probably one of the darkest I have written ever and I love it because its taking me away from any normal track I would be on when writing or just thinking in general. The 1st Draft is being hand written in a notebook at the moment which I thought suited this particular story. I think the 2nd Draft will be in a big journal and not even approach a computer draft until the 3rd Draft.

Remember not knowing who you are is no excuse for not being who you are,


A lot of stuff is going on right now. Will post pictures from our Tampa trip soon. Working on a new book draft that is nothing like I normally write so it is taking my mind off the lack of job stress stuff. Things maybe going legal from the old job which is more stress but I'm tired of getting screwed without kisses. I'm not that kind of whore at least. Will be updating more often starting next week.

Remember just because you don't know who you are, it is not excuse for not being who you are,